Drunken Therapist
by Mike and Lessee
Summary: {{Another OC x Cannon pairing}} "When the room stops spinning and we start sinning I'll begin to realize, you look better when I'm drunk." -'You Look Better When I'm Drunk' White-Tie Affair Mike and Zoey, the power couple from TDROTI, are back in a crumbling marriage. They meet an alcoholic therapist named Lessee and Mike takes interest in this sassy, snarky lady.
1. Chapter 1

Mike was at the front of a nice townhouse with his wife of six years, Zoey. He gulped as he looked at the sign, it was a wooden one that said, "Lessee Chavez _ **,**_ Therapist and Psychiatrist" with fancy letter font and chains holding it up as it swung in the light breeze. The tall, seemingly empty house was a little unkempt, yard wise, vines going up the worn, blue paneling, wrapping around the chipped white shutters, weeds sprouting in a dirty, old looking garden. Mike ran his hands through his dark brown hair as his light brown eyes locked with his wife's,

"This is the right address." He informed her as she let out a sigh of annoyance.

Mike let out a small sigh as he lead his wife up to the building and saw a rusty, yet charming fixture on the door. He raised his hands up to use the fixture to knock on the door. It took a couple minutes, about five minutes and twelve seconds, before Mike knocked again. A feminine and evidently grumpy voice called out,"I heard you, get your dick out a knot!".

Mike bit his lower lip and looked at Zoey, whom was disgusted by the remark of the lady behind the door.

The door swung open, revealing a dark inside of the house and the lady. This lady looked about three years younger than Mike and Zoey, them being twenty-four and this woman looking at the least, twenty-one, her eyes looking heavy with a lack of sleep, causing bags and dark circles to form, she was undeniably pretty, her face being free of acne, nice soft lips that rested in a cold way, her face slightly pudgy, her nose was very doll-like and she had deep, dark, intense brown eyes that were framed by full and luscious eyelashes, her hair was fluffy and brown, being tied back in a sloppy bun and a strand hanging in her face, her body was alright, slumpy, small shoulders, a nice, okay sized bust, a semi-flat stomach, violin hips that protruded into nice, plump thighs and calfs being held up by dainty, small feet.

"Who are you?" She asked, bluntly and a little aloof as she folded her arms.

Mike cleared his throat befor introducing him and his wife, "I'm Mike and this is my wife, Zoey. Are you Lessee Chavez? We're here because we need some counciling, marriage and self wise.".

Lessee sighed and let out a snort of annoyance, "Get a divorce. Trust me, I've done it twice and look at me, I'm fine." She deadpanned before shutting the door.

Mike stopped the door with his foot, being annoyed with this female's behavior, "You're our last hope! Can you stop being such a fucking bitch and help us?" He asked, his foot being slightly crushed in the door.

Lessee felt aroused at the way , 'Fucking bitch', rolled off his tounge, but there was no way she was saying that, with his wife right there? She didn't think that would be a good idea. She then let a display of annoyance out, rolling her eyes and letting out a mix between a frustrated, bear-like grunt and a obnoxious moan. She let out a heave as she opened the door and waved her hand,

"Come on inside. Excuse the mess." Lessee murmured, walking to her couch where her three cats, Luckee, an old, purebred Calico cat, Chobi, a mixed breed, grey and white mutt, and Jimothy also called 'Pops', a half Siamese mix, feisty youngster, were basking and wallowing in their own cat-like laziness.

"Sit on the couch, the one they aren't staring all fuck-faced into space." Lessee ordered, cold but not rude.

Zoey scoffed and heard Lessee say her cats were 'fuck-faced', "They're just cats, no need to be a complete cunt about it." Zoey scolded, folding her arms and plopping down onto Lessee's black leather couch.

Lessee snickered and grabbed her fork and box of Chinese Take-out and leaped straight onto her other couch, missing her cats with ease, "Alright, my studies show you are... An over-sensitive crybaby bitch. If you're gonna judge my parenting style, under my roof, I have the right to deny service to you, by law." Lessee sniped, disliking that the red-haired female just called her a cunt, right in front of her own babies.

Mike coughed to attract attention and break up the two female's petty catfight, "So, are there any papers we have to sign? What kind of services and sessions do you do?" He asked, rubbing the back of his neck and shifting his eyes to Lessee and back to Zoey.

Lessee nodded and gulped down a fork full of noodles, "Yeah, I have the papers around here somewhere.".

She stood, shuffling across the room, looking through scattered papers, looking for her folder with the papers. She began speaking to the couple,

"I do individual therapy, Marriage counciling, Group therapy, that kind of stuff." Lessee told them as she found the folder with two packets of papers.

Zoey flipped through, "Do you recommend medication? I know of _**someone**_ who really needs it." Zoey asked, squinting her eyes at her husband.

Lessee nodded, "Yes, I'd recommend a depressant for you. In other words, take a damn chill pill." Lessee remarked, cradling a mewling Luckee in her arms.

Mike let out a chuckle, seeing Lessee was pushing Zoey's buttons. Soon, Lessee might drive Zoey away and Lessee would be his own personal therapist. He liked her, she was snarky, salty, and sarcastic, but she was also honest already and honesty was something the man valued and being with Zoey as of late, it was something she didn't have. First it was little things, like 'forgetting' to do vital things like take their dog out for a walk and doing the dishes when she obviously just, to put it straight, didn't want to do them out of laziness, then it started getting worse and the lies were more crushing and hurtful than the last, 'Sorry, Mike, I forgot to get the mail.', 'Sorry, Mike, I forgot to pay the water bill.', 'Sorry, Mike, I was just out because my sister's... cat... died.', 'Mike, I really do love you.'.

Mike knew after awhile he knew she was lying to him, her sister didn't have a cat because she didn't have a sister. It annoyed Mike, it angered him and frustrated him. Maybe Lessee was right, a divorce might be the option for them. Zoey finished her papers and Mike hurried to finish up his and Zoey started sneezing.

Zoey got up and stomped like a four year old throwing a tantrum because they got a Pinkie Pie doll instead of a Rainbow Dash doll for her birthday as she whined, "I don't like it here! She's a fucking dickhead and she has shitty, satanic cats. My allergies are acting up!".

Lessee clumped all of her cats together in a protective ball and cooed to them as if they were sobbing infants, "No, no, my loves. Don't listen to her. She's just ugly and mean." She muttered, lovingly to the cats as she planted a kiss on Pops's head causing him to growl.

Zoey grabbed Mike's hand and started ordering things from him, "I want to leave **now**! Take me home! I wanna find another therapist!" Zoey complained, still throwing a tantrum.

Mike started getting angry, before he could burst into an explosion of harsh words and spitting venom he started his statement, "You can leave, Zoey. Here are the keys," he started, jingling the keys in his hand before placing them into hers, then he continued, "You can go home, you can look for another therapist, I'm settling on Lessee.".

Lessee sat back on her couch, eating her noodles, amused by this argument happening in front of her very own eyes. She moved a mouthful of noodles into her stretchy, chipmunk pouch-esqe cheek before saying, "Wow, Mrs. Smith, you really do need a chill pill.".

Zoey heard this and with the sparks of anger igniting, all Lessee did was rub salt into the wound. She was stirring the pot just to stir the pot. Zoey burst into a rage and let out a loud, obnoxious yell before flipping Lessee's food straight onto her face and onto her chest that was covered by a wool-knit sweater dress.

Lessee rolled her eyes and gulped down her noodles, "Wow, thanks. Just another twenty dollar sweater dress that I have to toss out now. I love you, sweetheart." She monotonously said as her cats began nibbling and licking the food off her.


	2. Chapter 2

It was a week after Mike had signed up for therapy with Lessee and he was actually quite excited for his first session with her. He walked up to the old, messy townhouse and saw Chobi laying in the windowsill of the front. He knocked on the door and sat on a bench outside, knowing Lessee might take awhile. He heard footsteps, thuds, shuffling, and a couple muffled swears. The door swung open and Lessee was in a tank-top and hot pink, fluffy, pajama pants.

Lessee sipped from a flask and looked outside, seeing Mike sitting on her bench, "Hello Mr. Smith, ready for your session?" She asked, closing up her flask.

Mike stood and nodded, flashing a gap-toothed smile to her. He went inside and saw Pops on the fireplace, attempting to turn on the flatscreen and Luckee laying in a decorative bowl. Mike sat on the leather couch and Lessee shuffled over to the couch on the opposite side of the glass coffee table.

Lessee folded her legs onto the couch, getting her file out for Mike and a large flower pen, "So, how have you been for the past week? Has the Mrs. Been giving you anymore hell?" She asked, her intense brown eyes looking at Mike.

Mike shrugged and looked at Chobi, whom had jumped onto the couch and was rubbing against Mike. Mike gave her a gentle, soft pet before telling Lessee, "Not really. Just a little bit." He answered, hesitant to say 'yes'.

Lessee got a into a comfortable position and snickered, "Michael, Michael. If she's being a two-year old, bitch ass hoe, you can tell me. Everything we say is under complete wraps." Lessee reassured him, swinging her feet in the air.

Mike cleared his throat and looked to his side, "Well... I wouldn't use the term 'two year old, bitch ass hoe' but she has been a pain in my neck." He admitted, still stroking Chobi's soft, fluffy back.

Lessee struggled in a new position and took notes of what he was saying, "Okay, what do you mean by 'pain in the neck' standards?" She asked, needing to know for her job.

Mike sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck, causing Chobi to yowl out of annoyance that Mike wasn't petting her anymore.

Mike began to talk about Zoey's behavior for the past week, "Well, she got a ticket and is continuing to try and get tickets to see her male cop friend, she's been out with her friends and family quite frequently, she also has been trying to get rid of out Mastiff named Tiny because her allergies are bothering her and she cannot take it anymore." Mike explained, looking at Lessee.

Lessee was quite surprised and quite annoyed that this man was really that dumb, "Can it be more obvious that she's cheating on you?!" She spat, flailing her arms. She knew signs of cheating because that was the reason for her first two divorces and it couldn't be anymore in the face than Mike's situation.

Mike jumped at Lessee's sudden explosion but he did put two and two together. Cop friend plus Want to be away plus lying past equals... Yeah, equals a high chance of cheating. Mike felt his eyes watering and he started sniffing, trying not to cry in front of Lessee.

Lessee grabbed tissues and gave Mike the box so he could blow his nose and cry. Lessee felt a little bad for yelling at him and exposing something she shouldn't of so she got up and went to the kitchen, bringing back a plate of Thin Mint Girl Scout cookies and a cup of '2% Fat' milk in a plastic kitten cup and a fleece cat blanket.

Mike was blowing his nose and Lessee placed the plate in front of him and put the garbage bin next to him, sitting on the leather couch with Pops was now scratching the arm of.

Lessee let out a heavy sigh and apologized,

"I'm not good at apologies so, like, unfuck your wife or whatever.".

Mike shook his head, feeling anger and hurt churning beneath his tanned skin, venom pumping through his veins, and hate boiling in his stomach,

"No! Whatever, fuck her!" He shouted, chugging down the milk. He realized what he said and gasped, "N-No, that's not what I meant." He explained and Lessee shook her head, chuckling.

Lessee thought to herself about the way this guy got when he was angry, especially about his wife, and she _liked_ it. She wanted him to drop Zoey's sorry ass and come running to her but... that was extremely selfish. She shifted in her seat, "Would you like to talk over a meal?" Lessee asked, folding her legs and looking at Mike.

Mike wrestled with his thoughts for a moment, 'What about Zoey?', 'She won't cook a meal with or for you!', 'She might've had a change of heart.', 'How likely is that, Mike?', 'Ah, fuck it!'. Mike nodded, "Hey, sure, a meal sounds nice." He said and Lessee and himself went outside to her nice maroon, Dodge Ram truck.


	3. Chapter 3

Lessee and Mike arrived at a nice supermarket and Lessee turned him to negotiate about what they should eat for dinner and if they should eat dessert.

"Okay, I could make 'Tortilla Pizzas', tuna sandwiches, spaghetti with a homemade meat sauce, or 'Meat Gravy' on tater tots." She listed, looking up at Mike from his stature being at least six foot, three inches and hers being very small at five foot exact.

Mike thought for a moment and he wanted to know what 'Tortilla Pizzas' were, "I guess I'd like to try whatever a 'Tortilla Pizza' is. Never heard of it." He decided, looking back at Lessee's eyes.

They both walked into the supermarket and people were laughing at the way Lessee was dressed, still in her pajamas. Lessee didn't mind, she just hoped she wouldn't run into an ex-husband of hers.

Mike and Lessee headed over to where tortillas were being made and tortilla chips as well. Lessee smiled and walked up to the counter, grabbing a bag of flour tortillas, she then asked, politely, "Excuse me, may I have a two fresh tortillas, please?".

A man packing the tortillas gave Lessee two, hot off the press, flour tortillas.

Lessee returned to Mike and waved a tortilla a foot away from his face, "You want one?" She asked, bumping hips with him, playfully.

Mike smiled and took the tortilla then told her, "Thank you.".

They continued their shopping spree, going to get tater tots anyway so Lessee could make them at a later date. Mike looked at the freezer with French fries and tater tots, "Hey Lessee? Do you like a certain brand or?" He then looked at the female whom was behind the glass.

Lessee smiled and snickered before taking a breath of hot air and blowing it onto the glass in order to create fog. She then quickly drew a penis in the fog, causing herself to giggle childishly at the phallic object she drew on the freezer and Mike chuckled as well.

Lessee then got out of the freezer door and walked over, "Nah. I really don't care." She explained, grabbing a back of store brand tater tots.

Mike liked the way she shopped for food. Zoey was quite picky with food and got angry with him when he brought back store bro and coffee creamer instead of her favorite, expensive creamer called 'Lush' or 'Deluxe', he didn't remember what it was called because he forgets stupid, meaningless things like the brand of coffee creamer Zoey liked or that Zoey wanted 'Poppy Red' lipstick and he got her 'Light Red' lipstick.

Lessee tugged Mike's arm and asked him on the way to spaghetti sauces, "What kind of pizza do you want?", "My mom made an Alfredo pizza when I was twelve and it was the shit." She explained.

Mike chuckled at Lessee's statement, "What pizza are you making yourself?" He asked, furrowing his brows and looking at the female.

Lessee shrugged and looked at him, "Probably a plain cheese one, maybe pepperoni." She replied as Mike had the urge to hold her hand out of adoration. Lessee felt his hand trying to grab hers and fumbling like a small child just grasping motor skills. Lessee looked at him, "Whoa, buddy, chum, pal, amigo, friend, you might need to slow down." She said, a little uncomfortable with her client trying to hold her hand.

Mike blushed and retracted his hand, feeling like he might die of embarrassment from the rejection he had just received by this beautiful woman.

They soon arrived at the liquor aisle and Lessee took a detour into it.

Mike called after her, "Lessee?" He asked, trying to catch her attention and get her back on track.

Lessee found two bottles of Italian wine and showed them to Mike, "What do you drink?" She asked, trying to be polite and get an alcohol he would prefer for the night.

Mike walked over giving her an awkward look, "I don't really drink. I can't stomach more than half a glass of wine." He told her, explaining he had a low alcohol tolerance, which was another thing Zoey disliked.

Lessee shrugged, "I'll buy one for dinner and another one for... five minutes after dinner." she explained, a little sheepishly as she took them and put them into her basket.

Mike looked at Lessee, knitting his eyebrows in confusion, "Wouldn't that be a lot of alcohol for such a tiny lady?" He asked, concerned if she could handle a lot of liquid poison.

Lessee laughed heartily and broke into an all out seriousness, "No." she stated, giving Mike an annoyed-esqe, serious look.

Mike would watch her tonight to monitor her drinking and would stop her if she was getting too tipsy. He didn't want her to do something stupid and embarrassing or anything she would regret by her sense of intoxicated judgement. He continued with Lessee on their path to spaghetti sauce and they found 'Pizza Sauce' as well, that excited Lessee so she bought two jars.

They traveled to refrigerated meats and cheeses and Mike caught eye of a certain, bossy lady yelling into her phone like a maniac.

"No! His ass has been gone for a full fucking two hours! His therapy sessions only take an hour! Fuck it, I should just come over to your place. Should I bring the red one or the pink one? Red one, got it. See you later, hot stuff." Zoey yelled into her phone then flirted with the person, assumingly her male cop 'buddy'.

Mike had the boiling urge to go and call her out for cheating. He began to stomp over there but Lessee stopped him.

"Mike! Do what's best and we're in public! Don't do anything stupid! " Lessee whispered aggressively, trying to weigh him down.

Mike tried wiggling out of her grasp but her grip was crushingly strong, "Lessee! Let go!" He snapped, catching Zoey's attention.

Zoey then walked over and shoved both Mike and Lessee to the ground, "You filthy little pig! Get your hands off my man!" she snapped, stomping on Lessee's hand with her shiny black stilettos.

Lessee let out grunts and moans of pain, before she let go and shoved Mike behind herself, "At least I'm not a cheating, fuckboy like you and your little buddy on the phone!" Lessee snapped, adjusting her multitudes of sharp, shiny rings on her fingers.

Zoey did a straight kick to Lessee's stomach causing Lessee to grip her stomach for minute before Lessee swung her metal laced knuckles straight at Zoey's nose. Zoey stopped in her tracks and grabbed her, now bleeding, nose before Lessee took it as another chance to throw another punch at her. Lessee's second punch landed right on her eye and side of her head causing Zoey to just run off because of how hard Lessee was fighting.

Mike walked over and put his hand on Lessee stomach causing her to grunt in pain.

"Will you be alright?" Mike asked, concerned to see if the heel broke or busted anything.

Lessee nodded, "It'll just be a bruise. I'll be okay. I'm okay." she reassured him, clasping his hand before she moaned in pain, "Just help me too the register.".


	4. Chapter 4

Back at the townhouse that was the home and workplace of Lessee, Mike and Lessee were preparing dinner. Lessee laid out the two tortillas and Mike rummaged through the plastic bags to look for the pizza sauce.

"Have you found it yet?" Lessee asked, rubbing her stomach, which now had a visible bruise from when she got in a scuffle with Zoey.

Mike shook his head, "No, not yet." He said, pulling out the pepperoni bag and Mexican cheese blend and placing it on the counter.

Lessee squated down next to him and looked though the bags as well soon finding the jars of pizza sauce. She stood and opened the first jar and poured a glob of the red, tomato semi-liquid onto the tortillas then grabbed a spoon from the drawer below. She used the spoon to spread the sauce around to make a pizza like middle before opening the cheese and sprinkling it on top.

"Hey Mike, toppings? Extra cheese? Pepperoni?" She asked and Mike thought about it.

Mike smiled and went next to her and put pepperonis on his pizza, putting his hand on her waist.

Lessee leaned on him and continued on her own pizza, "What's Zoey's problem? Like I was just holding you back and she freaked out on me." she asked, nonchalantly, caking cheese on the first layer of cheese.

Mike looked at her, surprised she had said anything, this was the type of woman to act like nothing bothered her but she seemed concerned about her wily interaction.

Lessee noticed his silence and thought he was offended by her question, "No, I know. You're supposed to ask me questions and I'm supposed to solve your problems, but I'm serious. Is she jealous of me? I would be jealous of me for a couple reasons but she has no real reason other than that I'm pretty and that I talk you you, even then I have no thoughts of sleeping with you because that's very illegal-" Lessee rambled, putting her pizza on the cookie sheet in front of herself.

Mike's interest was sparked when her first reason of not having romantic relations was because it was illegal, not because she didn't have feelings for him, "Oh?".

Lessee saw the slightly excited look on his face, "What? It is illegal!" she exclaimed, clarifying her fact. Why was he so jovial over this news?

Mike started poking at her to try and pry some answers out, "It's only because it's illegal?" He asked, eying the woman that was placing their dinner into the preheated oven.

Lessee shrugged, "Well yeah. I can't have a relationship because it is highly frowned upon in my place of work." Lessee explained, slightly irritated that this man wasn't getting the idea of what she was saying.

Mike folded his arms and snickered, "So what you're saying is that it's only because you can't, not because you don't find me attractive?" Mike asked, seeing if his thought was correct.

Lessee was flustered, yes, he was kinda hot but she didn't want to stir up drama and trouble, she has already had enough in the past few months from her recent divorce. She liked being honest, so she told him the truth, "Yes. Michael. You are hot. I find you very handsome but don't fucking tell Zoey that." Lessee sniped, slamming the oven door shut.

Mike giggled like a ecstatic schoolgirl, "You find me attractive?" he asked, wanting to hear her say it again.

Lessee set the little chick shaped timer, more aggressive than she usually would, "Yes! Mike, stop it!" she snapped, raising her voice slightly, "But, right now, you're also very annoying!".

Mike wanted to laugh like a hyena on laughing gas but he knew it would piss Lessee off and he wasn't going to do that, "You find me handsome." He stated, smiling softly.

Lessee grumbled and shook her head, going to the bottles of wine and pouring herself a glass of the silky, nice red wine. She slammed the glass, she drunk it all in one sitting.

Mike was impressed that she took the glass of wine like it was a shotglass of water, "That is impossible. Fuck me, Lessee, you are amazing!" He cheered, very much getting a rush from it. He grabbed the bottle and asked like she was a superhero that just picked up a car with one hand, "Can you do it again?".

Lessee snatched the bottle from his hand, "With pleasure." she stated, liking that he admired her tolerance. She tilted her head back and started chugging the liquid from the glass bottle.

Mike began chanting like he was a frat guy watching someone slam a keg of alcohol by themselves, "Chug! Chug! Chug!" He called out, slamming his fists on the granite counter.

After about four minutes, Lessee placed the bottle on the counter, feeling very drunk, "I...ulp, did iiiit!" She called out, a goofish grin spreading across her face.

Mike cheered her on, "Another!" He called out, wanting to see her drink more.

The oven then dinged and Lessee got up from the stool, having a bit of a struggle, but succeeding. Lessee put some oven mits on and opened the oven, "I gotta wear the mits 'cause the oven's hot, like you." Lessee explained, intoxicated.

Mike chuckled, taking a bottle of whiskey off the counter. It was enough to get him a tad bit tipsy as well but still, he drank it, in the heat of the moment, he slammed to bottle. "Whoa!" He exclaimed, rubbing his throat, the whiskey tingling in his throat.

Lessee flung the pan onto the table and used the oven mits to get them onto some paper plates. "The meat one is yours, right?" She asked, a woozy, confused look on her face.

Mike nodded, "Yup." He called to her, going to her liquor cabinet. He grabbed a bottle of coconut rum, his judgment impaired from the bubbly slight drunkness.

He sat at the table, drinking the rum like it was water, it singed his throat but he wanted to impress Lessee so he pretended it didn't bother him.

Lessee came back, her pizza hanging between her teeth as she was chewing on it, his pizza on a plate, and a bottle of a cheap cocktail in her other hand. She put his plate on the table in front of him.

Mike took a whiff of the food in front of him, "Mm, suuuuch a good cook.".

Lessee giggled, "If we were together, I would cook for you all the time! Just because you're a sexy beast!".

Mike laughed drunkly, "Really?" He asked, in a bashful way.

Lessee nodded, "Zoey doesn't do annnyyything for you! She can't please that monster of you in bed because of her loose ass vagina. I could do everything! I coooould cook for you, I could please you. We would make such goooood babies, like a loooot of babies." Lessee said, prying to get him together with herself.

Mike blushed, "What about your job?" He asked, not wanting her to get her license revoked.

Lessee slammed the neck of her glass bottle on the wooden surface, "Man! Fuck the police!" She shouted, trying to convince him it was okay.

Lessee brought him into a heated, sloppy, touchy tounge kiss which Mike returned, picking her up and carrying her upstairs for a night of fun.


End file.
